Thank you Jude. by Nadiya Marwah

Do you believe in omens? 

I have a little incident to share. Recently I was going through a quarter life crisis (it's real) and existential crisis, both at the same time! (more of existential than quarter). I was sitting in my room thinking what my purpose in life is and then I started writing about this is in my notes on my phone. That kind of a feeling is very exciting. It makes you feel you can contribute in a bigger way. Then when I got up the next morning, I got ready and I was going to sit at a cafe to work. On my way in the subway, I was listening to a Nakho Bear song called "Black as Night" ( really good song btw, you should listen to it). I had my earphones on and a 80 year old African man was standing right next to me. He tapped on my shoulders and I thought I dropped something, so I just looked down to see nothing and then I realized he was trying to talk to me. So I took off my earphones and he asked me for my name. I told him and he introduced himself as Jude. Then he started guessing my nationality which was obvious since I have this good ole' Indian accent, funnily he said punjabi also. That was so cute. He said that because my name started with the letter N, my nature is supposed to be very tolerant. I still don't know how he made that connection of N and toleration because I just started laughing and I told him that how much I lacked that quality. And I really do.

Then he said his consciousness is more aware and connected to the world than mine and he said that I had some special reason to be here. And my head just flipped! He just kept saying it and then messed up with my head so much, because just a night before I was thinking about it. When I was getting down at my stop, he was literally shouting and saying that. I was so surprised, what the fuck! what are the chances? Why would this man come up to me when I had my earphones on and choose to say something like that? Maybe he was crazy, but why just when I have been thinking about this so much? Later I was thinking about it, that maybe when you want something, the world conspires and find ways to show you signs and puts it in front of you to realize and keep following it. Whatever the truth is about him, I'd like to believe that he knew. That it was the universe's way to remind me. 

I have been trying to work on so many things and trying to find myself and he helped me stick to it. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing to find that, but I know I have to keep trying. Thank you Jude <3

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Under the Moonlight by Nadiya Marwah

Since I was a kid, I have always found the sky to be a secret. I don't know what it holds and how far does it go. I just know that I could never reach up there to touch it and learn about it fully ever. Its vastness is inspirational. Every time I look up at it, I want to explore it more. The stars, the moon, the galaxies that it holds is our only knowledge about it. One of my favorite things to do is see shooting stars, ugh. So majestic, so real, so true. Every single time I see it pass, I realize my impermanence here. I experienced one of the most beautiful moons recently. The entire sky and the earth was full of stars. I could look up in the sky or look down on the ground to find them. Every time I am under a clear sky full of stars, I feel so small, so grateful to be able to exist. I think I want to only exist to see what there already is, has been on this planet and outside this planet for since we know. I find love in finding nature. My heart swells up in exploring nature. This planet is whole, it is complete. It doesn't need you or me or anyone to make it complete. It needs only care and appreciation, not our version of a fucked up world. Imagine if everyone turned off their lights in the night and looked up at the sky every night. It will make us into more sensitive and better humans. The sky and the stars and the moon is my medicine, what's yours? 

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Why procrastination worked for me. by Nadiya Marwah

Easiest thing for me is to Procrastinate. 

I am glad after a period of 2 years I am finally feeling motivated to take photographs. For the past two years almost, I have hardly taken any photographs. I was also moving to a different country, so the pressure of settling in, leaving all my friends and the people that matter was really challenging. I was glad to see my family but at the same time I wanted to move back within a year. So I never really tried to find my place in this country. In the last year, I met a lot of new people, I learnt a lot of new things, travelled to a lot of new places, saw a grizzly bear, learnt how to bartend, worked as a server, saw snow for the first time and spent so much time with family together. All of this and including a lot more, helped me grow

This time gave me the space to get myself to feel like how I used to feel for photography in the beginning when I started, the butterflies in stomach feeling. That feeling got lost somewhere in the middle, but I was never scared because I knew it would come back. I just wanted to do other things for a while that would help me communicate with Bob (my canon6D) better. Listening to newer music, watching better films, sharing so much with family and friends, going on a road trip with my best friend helped me get a better perspective and mind space. Even after I didn't shoot for the last year, I see a drastic change in the photographs I have taken recently and its not because of taking photographs continuously, its because of everything else. Only speaking for me, sometimes procrastination works for me. It gives me the space to breathe and come back to what I love doing the most. If not for anyone, then for myself. I know the entire last year, I constantly kept thinking of interesting concepts to shoot. Always looking for art to inspire me. I am just glad I will be making photographs today because I want to. 

Thank you everyone who has helped me grow. You know who you are :)

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Go for a long walk and get lost by Nadiya Marwah

This is my first blog ever and I have always been scared of writing. My goal through this blog is to constantly find motivation and share the things that inspire me with others. 

In the recent past, I have had some personal troubles and I started to sulk in. I lacked motivation and found no good reason to look forward to the next day. I did this for a while and one day, I decided to go for a walk with Bob (my camera, you will hear a lot about him). I went to a park by the lake in downtown Toronto. It was me, Bob and some Sigur Ros' (an Icelandic band that has been my constant inspiration) on my phone. There are no words to explain how I felt in-spite of extreme wind chill and cold weather in Toronto, I didn't wish to leave. I started to take a walk and found myself feeling liberated. The song Varuo by Sigur Ros' inspired me to take some photos and kept me constantly motivated. I think it's so important sometimes to just let go. To let go of your constant fears, let go of your thoughts, let go of insecurities and dissolve in with yourself. Notice smaller ferns, tiny details, dew drops on the leaves, the wet mud, the sun through the leaves, the smell of the plants around you, the movement and shape of the clouds. Everything. For me, it changed a lot of things. It bought back the motivation I needed. Bob and I are very happy that we went for that walk and we try to do it as much as we can from that day on. 

It's good to get lost sometimes. To not know anything around us, only so we can know the better. 

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